2023

 

...Has been a long hard trip. I’ve had … other years as challenging as this one. 2001 when I left Texas, 2004 when I had to leave university (and San Angelo, where my kid was) as I had no where else to live, and of course 2008 when I moved to California and lost my fucking mind.

All of these, rough, some voluntary, some not, hard times of ungentle transition. Many bridges are burning, even though I did not light them. All I had to do was insist on my boundaries and my needs, and let those who would not – could not – respect this, find the door out of my life.

And like some of those years, this has been among the worst years of my life. It wasn’t *all* bad of course.

I’ve grown, tremendously, I’ve done actual metric fuckloads of self-work this year. (You may not think it but it takes quite a bit of self-knowledge and even more courage for the Queen of Excess to admit and acknowledge when she is overstimulated.)

I published my second collection, this one a CNF/Poetry/Fiction Hybrid (Available Here)

that -almost- no one else seems to understand (my collections, hell, my work gets that in general. Whatever.)

I got a Best of the Net nomination for one of my uncollected poems, Panacea, among the very few I wrote in the first half of this year.

I spent much of the year surrounded by mostly fantastic people learning new skills and my way around a professional kitchen.

I now know that when I need to chill, I just need to grab some root vegetables and just bias cut the shit out of them.

I made a couple of friends this year – I wish them well and hope they stick around for a long while.

I have been destroyed and recreated more times this year than in the prior 50 put together. The warp reaction does even now continue, fed by alternating beams of Hope and Despair.

This year has also seen so many random acts of violence (I have elicited more violent or threatening interactions in the last year than I have since before COVID and never this often.), manipulation, triangulation, active gas lighting from multiple parties simultaneously, soul crushing isolation, and a constant churn of near eviction.

Meanwhile in the world – the ironically named United States, continues to wake up, slowly, from it’s dream of empire; while the shitty domestic terrorist party wants to destroy the US, the status quo party just sings “Same as it ever was.” And the people are seeing it.

In a lot of ways 2023 feels like the first time I’ve been moving in the world, actually aware of what’s on my character sheet.  

Personally, 2023 had that same “It will never end” quality that 2020 did. 

I can only hope that I have half as good a following year as I did in 2021.

Another view of the year here - this will probably play better for those of you outside the US, which at this point, is most of you.   Happy new year. 

https://music.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLmqeS2OWCQFAJqWDXsMruZlFHZjFyEHOv&si=2MN05hPvY1jjAFf2

Good night 2023, do -not- let the door hit you on the way out.

But please go.