In the Arena – life, gender, the patriarchy, and fighting back in your daily life

  An MSG excerpt. This was the introduction at one point.  Now ...it's in there somewhere.   (My work strategy strongly resembles "Weaponized Wing-it." )   Kind of tore it apart to make this post but...whatever. Don't ask me I was making it up as I went along....

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 Look I don’t give a good god damn if your preferred gender expression actually is talky toaster, okay?   I will defend to the death your right as an intelligent self-aware being to self-identify however the fuck you want. No matter what.

 Gender expression is just like religion, or believing anything, or speech, or transit, or resettlement, or life…these are things all people in all eras have an undeniable right to.   Period, end of discussion. You can be against all of these things all you like but the moment you try to impose your values over ours, mine, or anyone else’s or worse yet take anything at all away from us, well then I am your enemy because I will always oppose stupid small minded tyrannical shit like that

See, here's the deal. I have anxiety.  I have five different kinds of anxiety disorders - I have PTSD (complex, like your mom), I'm bipolar.   I have had a relatively hard life.  Fear is constantly with me at all times.   But you know what?  I don't let it run things.   

Don’t listen to Fear-brain – Fear-brain is an idiot.  Fear-brain thinks you are incapable of anything.  Fear-brain is an organic computer programed by people who have belittled and lied to you.  Fuck Fear-brain.  Punch it in the amygdala and get on with shit.

 The people around you who consistently feed Fear-brain? You don’t need them in your life.

 you see, at times like this, and in situations like these, you cannot deny a simple fact, 

Anger is Good

 anger helps, anger keeps you from bowing down.   Don't let it control you either, obviously, but anger before fear.  Hope and reason before anger.  Always. Always. Way Always. 

 

Goddess bless Woody Guthrie and all his works

Transphobes always go out of their way to mention God though, they shove that shit off on God rather than take responsibility for what is in their own heart.  It’s what cowards do. Happy Christmas!

I made considerably les than a thousand dollars last year.  If it were not for my communal living situation, I would be on the streets. 

So understand that this is the filter I have to view the world from.  Disposable income? What’s that?  The last time I spent money on myself was august 2016 and it was highly irresponsible then.

Everything is about survival. Everything is about getting the fuck out of this situation. 

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Well trod garden paths

Tears from Google (This is an actual update. I know, panic.)

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This morning I was nearly wrecked by a spam email. Let me unpack that. I am however passively what google calls a “local guide” I take lots of fucking pictures and do reviews of places I go and so on. This morning I opened my inbox and there was a thing from them; it said Gwendolyn we miss your point of view! And said it had been 90 days since my last contribution – I guess that means my “new phone” has now been out of service longer than it was functional.  But we live in an era. *I* live in an era, where automated spam messages will say to me things that no one living has ever said to me Food for (particularly miserable) thought Updates  (Links in Super Special Minty Green! )   Loaded what (might) be the first (or the only) of (maybe) a notebooks (series) – I dunno.  Originally I wanted to scan in the actual pages from Fall 2022 – Fall 2023 and then put the copy over that but like most of my more interesting print/POD/digital book emulation ideas, it requ...
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2023

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  ... Has been a long hard trip. I’ve had … other years as challenging as this one. 2001 when I left Texas, 2004 when I had to leave university (and San Angelo, where my kid was) as I had no where else to live, and of course 2008 when I moved to California and lost my fucking mind. All of these, rough, some voluntary, some not, hard times of ungentle transition. Many bridges are burning, even though I did not light them. All I had to do was insist on my boundaries and my needs, and let those who would not – could not – respect this, find the door out of my life. And like some of those years, this has been among the worst years of my life. It wasn’t *all* bad of course. I’ve grown, tremendously, I’ve done actual metric fuckloads of self-work this year. (You may not think it but it takes quite a bit of self-knowledge and even more courage for the Queen of Excess to admit and acknowledge when she is overstimulated.) I published my second collection, this one a CNF/Poe...
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